(apologies to The Box Tops' "The Letter")

Give me a Sharpie and a legal pad

This is the worst Christmas we have ever had
Soon the break of day, what will people say?
We'd better write us a letter

Start off the first sentence "Listen carefully,"
Misspell some words so they don't think it's me
Use your other hand, make an odd demand
We'd better write us a letter

Well we wrote us a letter
Said some foreigners had her
And they wanted some dough
Listen people can't you see
A good Christian family
Couldn't do this oh way!

Now a New York lawyer says he has the proof
We won't talk but no one prints the truth
Someone named Darnay, may have hell to pay
He can't prove, we wrote the letter

Well you write an 'a' this way and you write an 'a' that way
And there's really no hope
Quivering and quavering, weaving and wavering
'Cause she's on so much dope...blown away!

How can we make this look like we're not involved?
How can we make sure this case is never solve?
Pass the note around, then move out of town
They can't prove we wrote the letter

They can't prove we wrote the letter

("Mr. Ramsy you're cleared for take-off have a pleasant journey.")

(parody lyrics copyright Don Wrege, 1997-8 Eyesongs, ASCAP)