BIG BAD JOHN (RAMSEY)
(apologies to Jimmy Dean's "Big Bad John")

Every morning on the mall you can see him arrive
At Access Graphics around eight thirty-five
His business put his game all over the map
And everybody knew you didn't give no crap to Big John

Big John, Big John, Big Bad John, Big John...

Somebody said he's from Atlanta GA
Met a beauty queen and moved to Boulder to stay
But then tragedy struck and his daughter was killed
His friends turned their backs, relationships chilled for Big John

Big John, Big John, Big Bad John, Big John...

The denials and posed publicity stunts
Sopme strategy sessions and some outright punts
Went on CNN with his wfe by his side
Both doing their best to look like they just cried, Big John

They launched a plan to sway the jury pool
They were playing every citizen for a fool
A true victim family with a P.R. team?
Nothing more important than self-esteem to Big John

Big John, Big John, Big Bad John, Big John...

Well the Boulder folks didn't know what to say
They all kind of wished it would all go away
But radio and teevee and tabloids too
Kept waiting for the drop of the other shoe from Big John

One day soon it'sll all come apart
When somebody close speaks straight from the heart
But for now he'll have to face the attacks
Because everything seems to point right back at Big...Big...John

Big John, Big John, Big Bad John, Big John...

(parody lyrics copyright Don Wrege, 1997-8 Eyesongs, ASCAP)