Hardly Working
by Don Wrege
Less like Wag the Dog and more like Spank the Monkey, Kenneth Starr's
massive report hit the internet mid-day, Friday, September the 11th and
brought the country's workforce, at least the portion that's wired, to a
screeching halt.
The investigation's estimated 45 million dollar price tag (which
included an undisclosed number of Domino's Pizzas) pales in comparison
to the lost productivity the report's release on the internet surely
caused on that Friday alone.
"It's out!" the shout echoed through the halls of businesses coast to
coast (the White House too one imagines) as work bound Web surfers
repeatedly hammered the multiple sites carrying the gory details of
Clinton's last tango with the First Slut.
CNN reported approximately 340,000 hits a minute. MSNBC's site was
visited by 1.13 million unique users. From bosses to receptionists, a
hush came over America's workplace as the legal interpretation of a
young girl's diary appeared on what seemed like everyone's monitors.
Work stopped. Jaws dropped. Servers overheated. (People overheated ...)
Breaking news and seamy sex are staples of the Web. The Starr report
combined both and this, of course, was history. Never before has so much
discussion of oral sex occurred in the workplace in a single day. Add
this to the list of Clinton's accomplishments if you please.
45 million dollars? Peanuts. This bizarre and embarrassing situation's
actual cost in wasted time and lost productivity is incalculable. And
it's not over yet.
William Jefferson Clinton's ego and his misguided supporters will drag
this out as long as they can until the inevitable tide turns. In the
meantime, all they will have accomplished is a general lowering of
standards of respect for leaders, women, honesty, marriage, the law and
the office of the presidency.
Clinton even managed to besmirch the upstanding image of fine cigars,
and that my friends, is the last straw.
Light anyone?
